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Monday, October 17, 2016

8 months now

Peace be upon you, dear reader!
Phewww, who have ever expected that it has been 8 months (to the time of writing) now I have been teaching in school. So many to tell, so much to express, and a lot to share. I just came back from a week course at IPG Kampus Rajang, Bintangor and it was really tiring but worth it. Now, I come back to share beautiful things that I have experienced teaching in this very school.

I have no idea how or what to start with, but let make this post personal. I started to love teaching and really looking forward to what I can do to bring changes to the school or my pupils. When I say "started to love teaching", it did not mean that I have no passion in teaching all this while, but it is only now that I regard teaching as important, very very important to me as a teacher. Teaching isn't all about teacher and his teaching, but "Does learning occurs when you teach?" is another story. That very question must be taken into serious thought, however most teachers worry at the figures that received every months in their account.

I realised that, we always need to put ourselves at pupils's shoes. We might think that we deliver the easiest content, yet we blame the kids for their incomprehensible response. Why is it hard for them to understand? -to be continued

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Pagi

Pagi ini aku telat
Selera hilang sejak semalam
Pagi ini aku penat
Menjejaki hari demi hari dengan dendam

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

When I Got Mad

Hi, there. Peace be upon you, dear reader.

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate me for getting my rental laptop 1 Malaysia connected to the wifi. Since the first that I received the laptop, I wasn't able to use it due to its inability to conect to any wifi, and I used my "besar gedabak" 14 inch laptop instead. Yay, now I can bring this laptop everywhere, anywhere, and anytime. Phewww~~~ It is fucking warm and hot now, I am drenched in sweat and mosquitoes everywhere, biting my plumpy and generous skin. I keep on fanning myself and moving my hands in the air to avoid mosquitoes. Can you imagine the tense and hard time I am in right now? Stressful, the electricity is off for an hour, everyday at this hour. It will off again during midnight from 12.30am to 4am, every single day. If I have never mentioned why, let me tell you this. I stayed over at my "kuarters" or house, provided by the school for the teachers. We don't receieved a 24-hours electricity, but instead we use generator power or "genset" (I have no idea what is the proper word in English), but we still received a 24-hours water supply which the only thing we need to pay every month. The house is FOC, and we are still be given RM300 home allowance every month, how lucky is that?!

*Wait a minute, I heard noises coming from the kitchen and it was Cik Siti (tikus) two of running away from the kitchen to the back door, and I am sitting on the stairs of the back door. It is nearly 6.30pm and the electricity should be on by now, otherwise... :'(

So, where did we stop?

Well, the purpose of me writing this is not to tell you all of the above, instead I would like to reflect on my action to one of my kid in the class this afternoon. It was my English lesson, and I was conducting Linus Bahasa Inggeris (LBI) Bertulis, Saringan 1 until one of them trigger my anger. Well, the class was undercontrol the moment I entered, everything started well and smooth. As usual, I will need to read the instructions to them and explain (actually translating) to them word by word, then I will allow them to answer the questions. However, this one particular pupils, Andre was not sitting still, keep on moving while biting the end-top of the pencil and kept on asking me to repeat the instructions, not once, not twice, in fact it was umpteenth times. The situation had distracted other pupils who were struggling to answer the questions. Then, I move closer to him with "rotan" in my hand and gave (quite) a hard hit on this right arm. He was looking at me in silence, shivering and I tried to keep him down, I nagged softly and offering him my help and promise to repeat the instructions to him. It happened less than a minute when I saw his eyes started to burst with tears, and then he cried. The whole class when silence, and I tried to stop him from crying, rubbing his right arm which was turning red. I pulled his head so that our eyes met, but he refused. Then, Izzul being Izzul, I have no time to "pujuk" him and continued my lesson, it was almost the end of my lesson.

As I walked by to the staffroom, I was doing all this thinking...

"What have I done?" "Should I done this?" "Is he emotionallyaffected/traumatic?" and many more questions ambushed my tiny mind, swishing like clothes in the washing machine. I tried to be calm, as I did this without any intention to hurt him, but to show to him that what he did was not accepted and was wrong. However, was the lesson worth it or too much? Well, as a human, I made mistake and sometimes I went beyond control. This was not the first time, he was the major distractor in the class and today he really put me in a test.

As a teacher, I will try as much as possible to have no physical contact towards my pupils, no touching, hitting and no contact at all. Well, today's kids unlike kids during those days, when you touch them, they will instantly report to their parents and the plot of the story will twist.

Hmmm...

Bye!

Monday, April 4, 2016

I'm a teacher?

Peace be upon you and a very good dawn!

I am writing this in the mid of dawn and morning, and it is very cold now.

To recall the last time I dedicated a post here is a cliche, well it has been ages. Been busy socializing in Facebook, Twitter and Instagram the most (because I would spend at least 4 hours every day). I have been good, in fact great! I am here just to inform that I graduated teacher training bout 3 to 4 months ago, and was jobless ever since and now I am a teacher in one of the rural school in interior Mukah, my hometown.

I am a teacher since 1 March 2016 (the day I was first reporting), and I teach Mathematics more than I teach English. This is because my school has enough English teachers compared to Mathematics teacher, so I have to take the responsibilities to teach Maths and I teach only level 1 pupils (Year 1 to Year 3) and imagine the challenges that I have to encounter, when dealing with young kids. So much language barrier (I have to use Malay most of the time when I teach English), lots of action and gestures to enhance understanding and do you have any idea how hard it is to make them understand the basic concept of adding and subtracting in my Maths lesson? The only thing that I would like to express now is OMG! OMG! OMG!

I know this will be fun, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. After all, it is too early to judge. I have been here a month now, and it will take sometimes for the pupils to accept your way of teaching. Hold on, I am the Class Teacher of Year 2 too and being a class teacher there are many responsibilities that I have to alert and consider. Bla la la la...

Enough said, just wait for my next appearance and probably will write about my school etc. You know I hate typing but I love writing... hmmmm Bye!

Friday, September 4, 2015

Down

I don't know exactly what I feel, but I am feeling so down. There are indeed so many things I want to share, but I don't know how to get it started.

It begin on the day I had completed my viva or thesis presentation. Since last term, I did not have a good rapport with my lecturer, partly it was my fault for not making it a point for consultation. It was happened that I got to know the marks she (or can I say both of them?) gave me was just a passing marks, 15 upon 30 marks. I don't mind if my lecturer down-graded me for what I did wrong, but tell me what did I did wrong? My presentation was well-delivered, my friends were really enjoyed and I am sure I did everything (almost) what a viva presentation need, in fact I went beyond extra minutes was I given. I have no idea, how should I know my unconscious mistake if nobody is there to explain and tell me what did I did wrong? Life is so unfair, sometimes. I feel like crying now!

So, I posted a few statuses on my Facebook ranting my disagreement for her action to me. She has personal dislike towards me and it was so unprofessional when you were actually/supposedly evaluating me on my presentation of the day, not evaluating my past or my attitude towards you, as it has nothing to do with the evaluating criteria of a presentation, it was more likely a personal attack. Passing marks was okay, but I am sure I deserve better than that as it was not that I did nothing? Right? I have no idea why some people who has been in the profession for years and an experienced can have this kind of attitude, better hang your degree, your master in the toilet of you decide to act this way. I might sound rude, but please I am just a trainee, a novice teacher. I need your guidance and help, I need you to be there to correct me if I am doing wrong, but I got from you was just silence, and then you down-graded my thesis writing and marks. Is it fair? If you have higher expectation towards me, call me a teacher instead of a trainee.

However, I try to reflect was this all my fault. Partly, yes. I made mistakes, everyone did. I need bigger room of improvement for myself, if and only if you give the chances. It didn't stop here.

I went to Mid Valley, alone that evening to seek for peace and I went for book hunting and a coffee. I ended up buying 3 books; Memories by Lang Leav, Diari Nyonya Gila and Whatever You Sai I am + I am Okay by Anwar Hadi. Then I sat a a coffee shop in the bookshop and unwrapped the books I bought. I spent a few hours there then I decide to watch movie with my friends. I met them at 9pm, we bought movie tickets (We watched Inside Out, I had watched it twice!), then went for a light dinner at Old Town. Then, we went to Starbucks for coffee before movie. My friends bought 2 venti-size coffee and they asked me to out those in my bag as they wanted to bring it into the cinema then we went to buy some popcorn. I remember well I had kept my wallet in my bag again after I made the payment, so we walked into the cinema Hall 3. My bag was damn full with books, laptop and coffees. I took the coffees out from my bag and we were there enjoying our movie till the end. Before we left the cinema, I did check on and under my seats if I had left anything behind me, what I saw was just rubbish that we left on the floor. So we walked out from the hall and went back home. I slept and woke up around 9am then I slept again at 12pm. I woke up for Pasar Malam, and after I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I realised that my wallet was not in my bag. OMG! I HAD LOST IT!!!

There go another bad day in my life. I lost it, for real! Again! So, I will tell ya in another entries as I got to go now. Bye!

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Petal of Self-Acceptance

"To be beautiful, means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself"


Do I dare to be me?
Wearing a mask for far too long, I forget who I really am. There are many masks that I wear throughout my life. Mostly the ones think people want to see. I am happy as long as the people around me are happy. For instance, if studying to be a teacher made them happy, that is what I would strive to do, even if I was miserable each day. It does not matter, as long as they get to tell their friends "My son is in teacher training college and soon be a teacher". It is not hard, somehow doing things that you have no passion and love seem to be a hindrance.

I know that the most important decision of my life, the one that will affect every decision I make, is the commitment to love and accept myself. It directly affects the quality of my relationship, my work, my free time, my faith and my future.


Friday, July 31, 2015

Fix it, not let go

This morning I received a nerve-shocking news!


My brother popped-out in our family Whatsapp group, he sent a few photos of himself and his wife and was telling something to my mom and I can feel something was not right, thus I asked them for what was happening...

To my surprise, my mom told me that my sister-in-law was asking for a divorce from my brother and the conversation went on....


I pray the best for their shaking relationship now, kalau ada jodoh ada adalah but what I would like to say is fix it... 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

5th Anniversary

Happy 5th Anniversary to all PISMP TESL June 2010 & January 2012 Intake

28 June!

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Ramadhan

Salam Ramadhan Kareem

1436 Hijrah

So, what is your #ramadhangoals ?

Cleanse our soul from greed, envy and anger.

Run towards nikmat of Ramadhan, insha Allah :)

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Sacrificing

Peace be upon you!

Have you ever be in a situation, when you are willingly to do whatever it takes to make your loved one happy and to see them smile?

To cut a long story short, I was not supposed to be back this term break as I had planned a 2 vacations with my fellow friends, the first week I'll be going to Phuket, a road trip back to Kuala Lumpur from Hat Yai. Then, I will get back to work on the second week and fly to Padang, Indonesia on the third week and will expected to experience fasting at other country.

But, yesterday morning as I woke up and received a call from my mom, persuading me to go back to Sarawak and I had a hard time saying no, though I had booked all the tickets for the trips and had promised couple of people, how am I going to tell them if I have to cancel everything. My mom did ask me, if I am willing to burn both my tickets to Phuket and Padang, she will book another ticket to Sarawak.

At last, I made up my decision later that evening and I'm coming home. So, I checked on the ticket and it was nearly RM400. So, it was just ok. I was to make the booking but my Maybank2u did not seem to work out, so I ask my mom to buy from an agent, and my friend is working for the agent.

This morning, I received the itinerary from my friend via Whatsapp and was surprised to see the digits, it was fucking RM775 which is double up from what we saw the day before. The perk of buying an air ticket through an agent! And my mom need to pay another RM40 to the agent that sum up a total RM815 for a fucking last minute air ticket. My friend feel bad and even ask my mom few time whether to proceed and my mom without hesitation tell her to proceed, no matter how high the price she had to pay!

I called my mom straight away, she should have call me before making that decision as the air ticket was damn expensive. She said, NEVER MIND AS LONG YOU BE BACK THIS HOLIDAY!

I almost burst to tears, she end the call, yes she did, and I reflect to her sacrificing. Thanks, Mom. You do whatever it takes as long as you will be able to see me this holiday and I don't make burning my tickets to Phuket and Padang to ashes.

I shall remember this date and day, when your mom put her son and children above all!


Thursday, April 30, 2015

I bid my farewell

Finally, my days in school have come to an end. It was a long-challenging-tiring-hectic-exhausting-dying period in school, however we had fun with the kids, but bidding them my farewell this time witnessed no tears, none at all. I was acting cool cos I know that I will be back, back for good. This time-round, I threw no party and I owed them my presents and rewards. Nevertheless, I have promised them a bigger party and more presents for them for the next term.

I did not tell my kids that I will be leaving the school, cos I did not feel the need to tell them. Even if I did not tell them, they knew it from other teachers and friends, so why busy yourself telling them. I was ego, I did not want to feel sad, thus I won't tell them a single thing. Even towards my last day in school today, I was still teaching and checking their books, as I need to pass this responsibility to their real English teacher, so I won't be questioned if I left my works undone.

There were so many things to share on my last in school today, and I got to write bilingual so I could write quick and fast... So it begins...

Today, among all of our practicum days, this morning it was raining cats and dogs for the first time. Never in the histories of the past 3 months we were driving to school in the heavy rain, like never ever but this morning. So, we believe that the sky and mother Earth were all crying for us leaving the school today. It does make sense, don't you think? So, we were driving slow and steady, and upon reaching school, the rain had stop and the sun appeared smiling happily. 

Rasa malas nak taip dah, this is my problem... malas sangat. I would rather record myself talking in front of the webcam. 

I feel sad, I get jealous and envy, I frustrated and I have all those mix unhappy feelings I have no idea why? I know one thing, maybe I am the most infamous teacher among four of us. Well, I know this feeling isn't right and I have no idea why is this feeling lingers in my heart and made me feel uneasy myself. So what if I am the most infamous among all of the kids? So what? This is not the first time for being the one who will get less presents from the kids, in fact it had been 3 practicums and I had never ever getting even more than gifts or presents from my kids, although I never expect them to give me. But when my other practicum mates were getting like a car boot of gifts and presents, so the envy and jealousy burning the fire and flame itself, the feeling of competing arises driven by Satan the devil evil! I know this is not right and I had been avoiding this feeling forever today! A few will come to see me for my phone numbers and signatures, though I don't really mind if they did not even bother to ask for those, but when I saw the other 3 of them were ambushed by their kids (especially the Year 5) I felt so irritated and jealous, but I won't show exactly how I felt in front of them. I feel stupid, so what with lots of signatures and what will the kids do with your phone number after all?

This is what I really want to share today, I feel stupid for having this stupid jealousy and all, cos I could not avoiding myself from feeling it. Then, I try to rationalize. A bucket or basket full of gifts and presents do not measure whether you are a good teacher or not. What is much more important and you left impact to them, forever and not during your presence in school but after the school. It is what you had delivered to them; the knowledge and all the skills and positive thinking. Something greater than just praises to grab their attention and love, but punishment to make them realize and distinguish between good and bad, the do's and the don'ts. I remember my last practicum in SK Bukit Jelutong, I received fewer presents than Amirul and both Baiti and Nabihah, does it make me infamous? No, cos we were still in contact and touch, so when I came for their Sports day they were there impatiently waiting to see me, and Amirul, Nabihah and Baiti got to see a few of their former pupils. So, the amount of gifts and presents do not guarantee a long relationship, as it has to be build by times. They might not giving my physical gifts, but their thoughts of me is what matters. So, I try to comfort myself this time by saying the same thing over and over again to myself, that though my kids of 4 Jujur did not present me with bunch of gifts (a few really make an effort by making their own card for me, and some drew me cartoons), but I hope my relationship with them will not stop today, in fact I will so much hope that it will grow better and stronger for forever.

I have more to say, but I think that is enough. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

No Exact Title

Its the month of April, I feel a sudden urge for my blog's update. It has been a long time and I skip a story one after another. I was too busy doing my practicum and spend less time writing, as I did not have enough time to sit and write (however I did have time uploading photos on Instagram). End of this month, I will be leaving school ending my practicum for the third phase, and I hate this part, the part when we hardly say goodbye to the pupils and teachers.

Today I joined the school's sports day and I was satisfyingly happy to see most of my babies from both classes were actively participated in many "acara" and they won most of them. I was so happy to see them running gracefully and happy on the track, they were like the animals out from the zoo. I was never got to see them as happy as they were in the class, they were enjoying themselves so much.

The day before the event, it was raining heavily and storming in KL and affected most of part of Damansara, and my school was affected too. However, to our surprise, when we came to the school this morning, everything was in good condition, even the ruined tents were standing still like nothing had happened the day before. We were in charge of aerobic performance, involving the year 5 pupils and it had left such great impact to the school and its pupil as never in the history the school conducting such aerobic. Then, I did help the teachers preparing for the mascot and volunteered myself to make the shoes of the mascot, Captain America. I slept late the night before finishing the stuff and gone to sleep before 2am in the dawn, leaving it unfinished. When I woke up this morning it was 6am already and I just realised that I have not paint the shoes completely. I jumped from my bed and made my way to the living hall, where were all my project was done. I quickly painted both of the shoes and let it dry then gone for a shower as quick as I could. Then, I had it done at school. Phewww~~~

The performance was great and the pupils were enjoying themselves and had done it so well that I was so happy for them. Though the condition of the field worsen, as it was muddy and wet and we were damped in mud and dirt but we enjoyed it so much. Most of the parents were clicking and snapping and taking videos of their sons and daughters and they were very supportive. The sports day ended nearly at 2.30pm after noon, and if you can imagine the sun killing and burning your skin dry. OMG! But seeing the spirits and determination of the kids, teachers and parents, I almost forgotten the burning. Sports day held once a year, so enjoy the very moment.

(my laptop is running out of battery, so I will update this blog soon as I reach my room and get this charged)

Friday, March 6, 2015

The Super Belated Surprise

The story goes like this, last night we were supposed to have senamrobik practice for the school Road Run today, so dorang plan nk practice at 8.30pm. Before that, after school I was sleeping till 7pm, I woke up after Amirul came back from his groceries & some shopping, he left me a note telling that he had gone with Suresh (no point nak baca nota tu dah sbb I bangun lambat).

I checked my Whatsapp & one of them was from Suhaina, urgently said that the practice must start at 8.30pm as she has something else on to attend after the practice. Amirul pun cakap, lepas practice baru dinner. So I plan lepas practice nak makan chicken chop kat KK12, UM. So, I mandi cepat so I can make it on time. After I took my bath, Amirul pulak xda dalam bilik, so he must be going to the foyer already. So I made my way to the foyer and nobody was there, I called Suresh instead of Amirul, only to know that both of them keluar sbb Amirul nak beli barang lagi. So I went back to my room. Ok, kenapa Amirul nak go for his sudden plan, sedangkan lepas practice pun I plan nak keluar makan so we can go beli barang together kan? I risau sbb Suhaina had something else to attend after thay? So, I texted Amirul "Since you kat luar, grab your quick dinner as I took mine while waiting for you", so I cancel nk dinner kat KK12. If he can go for his sudden plan, I can go for my sudden plan too. Then, Suhaina called (cos I thought she must be waiting at the foyer) & I told them I waited for Suresh to call then I went down.

Then, Suhaina called balik ckp both of them had arrived. I sambil makan my triple bread with nutella sambil baca Reader Digest took my sweet time. Then Amirul texted me. Then, Suresh called me twice. I ckp I naik tangga walhal baru nak turun. So I naik dorang xstart practice then I saw tables and benches, I thought it was laptop and speakers atas meja rupanya its food. They threw a small surprise feast for me, initially nak buat on the 2nd March sbb elaun xmasuk lagi they hold it on. Whoaaa terharunya practicum mate buat surprise macam ni... hehe. Seriously, I never expect this. Thanks so much!!!

Actually nak type lagi tapi malas dah... ok. Thanks for reading...

Monday, January 19, 2015

A Bad Start

Just so you know, this is my very first entrance in the year 2015 and today remarked a bad start of the year!
Since I move in with a new roomate to a bigger room that I ever had few semesters ago, I caught a flu to date. I have no idea why was I caught with such cold even if I swallowed medicine everyday.
First I thought maybe because I did not get used with the climate, what I meant was the room was cold even if I turned the fan speed to number 3. Then, I started to believe that it had something to do with the dust and cleanliness of the room as when I entered this room on the very first day, I only did a light cleaning. Well, I need to clean the room this weekend.

So, due to this unsettled cold, I was too lazy to wake up and went for classes that I end up bed-rest one whole morning, and was skipped few classes. Just so you know, a few friends were asking where had I been gone. For sure, that wasn't a good start to kick off this year's resolution.

What had happened to a good boy, Izzul?

Well, time changes, so do I...

#PrayForIzzulFaiz

Till then, keep praying...

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Rush

Ahhh, semua nak rush sekarang ni.

My feeling nak rush, nak balik. My soul kat rumah, my body is here.
Nak kemas bilik, nak packing barang nak itu dan ini, nak buat laundry, nak study, nak habiskan exam awal, everything you want it in a rush!? Why???

Is like everything you want it to get done at one time, rush!!!

Can I have a break from all this rushing rush???

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Sisa semalam

Sekarang aku kau lepaskan
Manisnya gembira semalam aku simpan
Pahitnya luka semalam aku telan
Biar hati suruh aku buang
Aku masih mahu simpan sisa semalam


p/s: Sakitnya hati hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Biar aku simpan manis dan pahit ini dan perilaku kamu yang merobek musnah jantung aku saat ia masih bergedup tenang, kerna kau masih menjadi insan yang paling tersayang.

This weekend!

I cant wait to be homed! Guess what, its freaking this week! This week gonna be our last week for this freaking semester, I can count with fingers how many days that I had spend at home this year. Since early this year, I was back to college and stayed for almost 7 months and went home for a week Eidulfitri's break.

Hold on, I reread my sentences dan aku rasa aku merepek.

But before, there are many things I hate to do before balik cuti semester.

1. Packing barang and angkut barang simpan kat common room.
2. EXAM, yes I have 2 papers awaiting before I can go back home!
3. I am still thinking what it is.

Tak sangka, by this weekend aku dah bangun kat katil aku sendiri kat rumah. I must be feeling like heaven. This term-break katanya nak lose some fats and pounds, well we see about it. This year end holiday jugak my former high school classmate is getting marry! There are many things I want and will do for this upcoming holidays and for sure aku nak berehat sepuasnya as I have not seeing home for more than half a year...

Ok. I supposedly study for my paper tomorrow by I think I am going to read my Murakami's After The Quake first, what about it?

Hahaha

Till then, bye :)

Monday, November 3, 2014

Longing

I miss it, when I sit on a comfy couch with book in my hand and I drown into my fantasy and escape the reality.
I miss it, when I stare at you blankly and all I can see is your sweet and honesty.
I miss it, when I walk across the beach bare footed and listening to the sound of the waves hitting the white sandy.
I miss it, when I involve you in our deeper conversation and listening to you fully,
I miss it, many things I realize I had been missing and longing that I forget to moving on with this life.

Now, I move on.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Zine

At last, after a long delay, my friends and I finally compiled our poetry in our very first Zine, Bibir Part 1. The initial idea was to send for serious book publication, due to limited time to write more than a hundred per person, we decided to start small with a zine.

What a zine? Ask Pak Cik Google, he can answer all for you!

Whoever is interested to buy our zine, please visit my IG for more infos on purchasing.

Till then, toodle :)

Monday, September 22, 2014

A-Me-Time

In life, we wanted to be surrounded by many people, being loved by many of them too, being adore and wanted. Never in life you wanted to be alone and alone and sit at the corner staring a the blind plain walls, just to have time for yourself. Never.

But, there's always a time when you're feeling down, you escape the whole things that ruining you and you stay away from people, need exactly a-me-time, on your own. Well, I was writing this when I feel like this.

I need time of my own, where I need to organize the scattered feeling in my heart and mind. Too many thing running and chasing, swirling like clothes in the washing machine.

Maybe, I feel down. Life a wheel, some says. Sadly, it is all true. There is a time when you are up high in the blue sky, there is also a time when you re down deep at the bottom of the blue sea, and all you wanted after all is a-me-time, on your own.

Life is a rotation, like a wheel. Bullshit. Sadly, life is a cycle and a rotation. What you give you get back. What goes around, comes around.

Why life can't be so perfect? Well, the answer is in you. The key of life perfection is when you believing everything you have in life is sufficient, and all  you ever wanted more is isn't. Nothing else, whatever you have is enough and you are grateful for all this, if only you are, then only you are feeling life is a perfection.

At the moment like this, you need a place like beach and sea. Wide that you are a human seen like an ant. All you wanted to do is to sit on the sand and stare at the sea, looking at it aimlessly while actually sorting whatever swirling in the mind, slowly. All you can heard is the sound of the wave, the sound of the blue sea, the sound of the birds flying freely and nothing else hugs and hits you, but the breeze and wind. A perfect-me-time everyone ever wanted.

I need a-me-time, on my own :)

You wannit, but you don wannit!

Have you ever feel in the situation, when you are meeting someone seems perfectly perfect, fulfilling all it has to be the one for you, but you seem to resist because the someone is nearly so perfect?
Why? He has all it to be the one you wanted, but the sense of your feeling seem object and could not react. Why? You resist, you want it, but at the same time you don't want it. Why?
Have you ever feel in the situation. You will recommend someone else's better to be in the place, meanwhile knowing the truthfully fact that you are the one fitting the place in that someone heart.
That is a weird kind of feeling, something that you feel indifferent, a kind of situation when you are watching drama or movie like Confession of a Shopaholic or even the Wedding Planner or even 27 Dresses, where you imagine yourself being one of the main cast, being in the trouble, the one who are chaotic and create problems but in the end the one who lived happily ever after.
You know that your story of life will end to a happy ending, but you are just in love to be in the conflict and trouble, being saved so many times by the hero, at higher point you will said "Hey, I have enough being saved by you!"

That's the feeling, when you want it, but you don't want it!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Appearance

It was long ago since my last visit and posting entry...
Ever since during the momentary period I was busy doing bunch of stuff...
Been busy with school and kids, and some other stuff, travelling and so forth...
I have not been reading books ever since, nor that I spend time writing poems and read poems, too.
So, what about?

I am now making my appearance after a very long time in lost, losing myself in time. In between of time, in the middle of people, sea of people.

This week, is a mid-term break and I traveled the unravel places in Malaysia. I visited Benta and Kuala Lipis, a places of green still and calm and peace. Then, I made my way onboard the train for the first time to Kota Bharu, Kelantan hunting for food and best makan-makan places, and I did.
Photos? All are uploaded in my Instagram.

A week before was my last week in school, I am glad that we are finishing the suffering two months in school, with workload and tense and always rushing for time. For two months, our daily routines will be going to school as early as 6.30 am and be back at 6.30 pm, stuck in a heavy trafficked and only be homed at 8 pm or even 9 pm. More than half of the day in school, I am tired and I am spent. So, I need a break from all this tense and pressure so I traveled.

Sadly saying that I am sad leaving my class, unwanted class at the very beginning. But kids never fail to touch your inner heart, at one level and point you are hardly leaving them. Life goes on and kids come and kids go in a life of a teacher. But there must be one who left imprinted in your heart, always be one.

I guess, that is all for now...

I am tired and I am spent... and my love will pay the rent :)

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Muak

Kini, baru aku rasa
bagaimananya rasa
muak
teramat muak
muak untuk aku berpuisi
bikin puisi
sedangkan kamu tak pernah terasa
kamu watak dalam puisi aku

nak muntahkan semua kemuakkan ini

blahhh---

Monday, June 2, 2014

Coffee

Well, it has been quite a long time since my last updates. Been very busy and I hope it is never too late to welcome June! Phew
By the way, peace be upon you!

Today is my off day from work, since I work six days per week and I have a day break. Tiring, indeed and I really need today to rest, cook my favorite meal, enjoy sipping coffee or latte and lock myself into reading, at the same time escape the reality and enthuse to the fantasy. I had been moving from one coffee shop to another, just to give my tongue different tastes of each. Thus, I come to realize that the cheapest coffee can have a similar taste to the expensive, or maybe I am wrong. Since I have ample of time sitting and reading and sipping, so why don't I spare some little minutes to update my little blog. Too many to tell but I forgotten which and which and where to start. After all, I enjoy today to the fullest.

It's school holiday and my term break as well. My term break this time is nearly a month, what on Earth am I doing in KL and not going back to Mukah? Well, I am going to work my ass out for money as I freaking need a driving license and I have been driving illegally ever since. I remembered the day my mom called ans she asked me to check for the air ticket and insisted me to go back, that the day after I have to decide whether to go back home or not. Since I have place to stay over a month in KL at my friend's house, somewhere located nearby my workplace so I do not have to quit my job and I can earn some cash this holiday, instead having a leisure rest at home, I decided and told my mom that I would not go back Sarawak. Since that day, she keeps calling me almost everyday and I know my family missing me, it has been 5 months, I am never be distance from them this long. However, I am eager and looking forward to see them this coming Eid Mubarak.

(was at the other site)

I feel weak, I don't feel like writing now. Ok, I just want to enjoy my Latte. Bye!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Alone

I am writing this on a lonely hilltop in my hometown. It is the hour before sunset and the view is splendid and I feel truly on top of the world.
Vaguely I wonder why this moment seems so special. Then, the answer comes, with a slight sensation of shock, this is the first time in weeks that I have been alone. I am sure you know what I mean. We all need the warmth of human companionship. But we also, each one of us, need to get away from time to time and be entirely by ourselves. We do this in different ways, and with different degrees of consciousness.

We need these times alone to relax completely. The presence of another human being, however close and dear, however understanding and undemanding, inhibits this.
We cannot help reacting to that presence, and in that reaction, however pleasurable, there is tension.
Also, we need to be alone to come to some sort of understanding with ourselves. These are the times when we take a good hard look at ourselves and say "Hei, you, these are your strong points and these are your weak ones". You want such and such, and that is good so do such and such to get it. But you also want such and such, and that won't do at all, so cut it out, will you, and stop quoting that Freudian crap to me.
You cannot very well say all this to yourself when there is someone else around. Though the whole business is conducted silently, in "interior monologue" style, something may show on your face and alarm your companion thoroughly. To have a proper pow-wow with yourself, you must be free to frown and snort and growl and for this you need full privacy.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Exam?

What is around the corner? Exam? Heaven, no. It is not at the corner, it is freakin this week! I have done so badly in my EDU paper, I puke all the knowledge out! So, I guess I should be preparing for my next-so-called last payyyperrrr? Be gone!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Oct 28, 2013

If only you remember so well what was happening on this date. Ahhh---

This is it!

It is like walking on a very narrow bridge that anytime sooner or later you might fall down, down beneath that you have no idea how dark and bottom it is. Make no mistakes, but you need to focus the journey, walking carefully to the furthest end. There is no time to waste or away from anything that making you carried away. How does it feel. This is it!
So many things that you left behind regretted, you make it no point to learn from any of those. In fact, you make more mistakes that initially you think what you're doing are all right. You're right, just the way you want it. This is it!
Down. You feel deep down. You cried. You regret. Just for a day or worse just for a few hours. You forgotten. You do it again. You repeat. You feel like bullshit. This is it!
This is it! This is it! This! Is! It!!!

I feel like running away, running away from this planet. To a planet that I am unknown so I start fresh and new. This is it! I never let myself from not thinking the impossible that at last what it got me? Disappointment.

Wake up, you are sleeping too long. You are dreaming too long. Wake up and face the reality. This is it!

Nota kaki: If only I can explain what it is!

3th

There is always one thing that I really hate being myself. Pemalas. Until I end my concern to my late submission of the assignments, now my concern is whether or not I am legal to sit for the final exam, which is next week. I checked for the slip, waiting impatiently to the buffering and the loading, I gave up and called Baiti to check it for me, only to inform me with a very bad news. Slip kena tahan. This isn't my first time, in fact for the umpteenth time, to be specific, the 3rd time.

What should I do now? I definitely legal to be kicked out from the campus!

Writing

What I want to write?
Writing is the best way to express unheard voice and feeling. Write about anything else under the sun and beyond and be able to touch readers' heart and captivate their emotions and feelings at the same time inspire them. Readers would like food for thought served with a light touch. That is what I want to write.

Things that happen daily to me, or even happening daily from my own observation. I wrote all that. Sometimes, I translate my points and views in poems.

I will write more, not for fame but this is my desire, to write.