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Friday, September 4, 2015

Down

I don't know exactly what I feel, but I am feeling so down. There are indeed so many things I want to share, but I don't know how to get it started.

It begin on the day I had completed my viva or thesis presentation. Since last term, I did not have a good rapport with my lecturer, partly it was my fault for not making it a point for consultation. It was happened that I got to know the marks she (or can I say both of them?) gave me was just a passing marks, 15 upon 30 marks. I don't mind if my lecturer down-graded me for what I did wrong, but tell me what did I did wrong? My presentation was well-delivered, my friends were really enjoyed and I am sure I did everything (almost) what a viva presentation need, in fact I went beyond extra minutes was I given. I have no idea, how should I know my unconscious mistake if nobody is there to explain and tell me what did I did wrong? Life is so unfair, sometimes. I feel like crying now!

So, I posted a few statuses on my Facebook ranting my disagreement for her action to me. She has personal dislike towards me and it was so unprofessional when you were actually/supposedly evaluating me on my presentation of the day, not evaluating my past or my attitude towards you, as it has nothing to do with the evaluating criteria of a presentation, it was more likely a personal attack. Passing marks was okay, but I am sure I deserve better than that as it was not that I did nothing? Right? I have no idea why some people who has been in the profession for years and an experienced can have this kind of attitude, better hang your degree, your master in the toilet of you decide to act this way. I might sound rude, but please I am just a trainee, a novice teacher. I need your guidance and help, I need you to be there to correct me if I am doing wrong, but I got from you was just silence, and then you down-graded my thesis writing and marks. Is it fair? If you have higher expectation towards me, call me a teacher instead of a trainee.

However, I try to reflect was this all my fault. Partly, yes. I made mistakes, everyone did. I need bigger room of improvement for myself, if and only if you give the chances. It didn't stop here.

I went to Mid Valley, alone that evening to seek for peace and I went for book hunting and a coffee. I ended up buying 3 books; Memories by Lang Leav, Diari Nyonya Gila and Whatever You Sai I am + I am Okay by Anwar Hadi. Then I sat a a coffee shop in the bookshop and unwrapped the books I bought. I spent a few hours there then I decide to watch movie with my friends. I met them at 9pm, we bought movie tickets (We watched Inside Out, I had watched it twice!), then went for a light dinner at Old Town. Then, we went to Starbucks for coffee before movie. My friends bought 2 venti-size coffee and they asked me to out those in my bag as they wanted to bring it into the cinema then we went to buy some popcorn. I remember well I had kept my wallet in my bag again after I made the payment, so we walked into the cinema Hall 3. My bag was damn full with books, laptop and coffees. I took the coffees out from my bag and we were there enjoying our movie till the end. Before we left the cinema, I did check on and under my seats if I had left anything behind me, what I saw was just rubbish that we left on the floor. So we walked out from the hall and went back home. I slept and woke up around 9am then I slept again at 12pm. I woke up for Pasar Malam, and after I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I realised that my wallet was not in my bag. OMG! I HAD LOST IT!!!

There go another bad day in my life. I lost it, for real! Again! So, I will tell ya in another entries as I got to go now. Bye!

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