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Thursday, April 30, 2015

I bid my farewell

Finally, my days in school have come to an end. It was a long-challenging-tiring-hectic-exhausting-dying period in school, however we had fun with the kids, but bidding them my farewell this time witnessed no tears, none at all. I was acting cool cos I know that I will be back, back for good. This time-round, I threw no party and I owed them my presents and rewards. Nevertheless, I have promised them a bigger party and more presents for them for the next term.

I did not tell my kids that I will be leaving the school, cos I did not feel the need to tell them. Even if I did not tell them, they knew it from other teachers and friends, so why busy yourself telling them. I was ego, I did not want to feel sad, thus I won't tell them a single thing. Even towards my last day in school today, I was still teaching and checking their books, as I need to pass this responsibility to their real English teacher, so I won't be questioned if I left my works undone.

There were so many things to share on my last in school today, and I got to write bilingual so I could write quick and fast... So it begins...

Today, among all of our practicum days, this morning it was raining cats and dogs for the first time. Never in the histories of the past 3 months we were driving to school in the heavy rain, like never ever but this morning. So, we believe that the sky and mother Earth were all crying for us leaving the school today. It does make sense, don't you think? So, we were driving slow and steady, and upon reaching school, the rain had stop and the sun appeared smiling happily. 

Rasa malas nak taip dah, this is my problem... malas sangat. I would rather record myself talking in front of the webcam. 

I feel sad, I get jealous and envy, I frustrated and I have all those mix unhappy feelings I have no idea why? I know one thing, maybe I am the most infamous teacher among four of us. Well, I know this feeling isn't right and I have no idea why is this feeling lingers in my heart and made me feel uneasy myself. So what if I am the most infamous among all of the kids? So what? This is not the first time for being the one who will get less presents from the kids, in fact it had been 3 practicums and I had never ever getting even more than gifts or presents from my kids, although I never expect them to give me. But when my other practicum mates were getting like a car boot of gifts and presents, so the envy and jealousy burning the fire and flame itself, the feeling of competing arises driven by Satan the devil evil! I know this is not right and I had been avoiding this feeling forever today! A few will come to see me for my phone numbers and signatures, though I don't really mind if they did not even bother to ask for those, but when I saw the other 3 of them were ambushed by their kids (especially the Year 5) I felt so irritated and jealous, but I won't show exactly how I felt in front of them. I feel stupid, so what with lots of signatures and what will the kids do with your phone number after all?

This is what I really want to share today, I feel stupid for having this stupid jealousy and all, cos I could not avoiding myself from feeling it. Then, I try to rationalize. A bucket or basket full of gifts and presents do not measure whether you are a good teacher or not. What is much more important and you left impact to them, forever and not during your presence in school but after the school. It is what you had delivered to them; the knowledge and all the skills and positive thinking. Something greater than just praises to grab their attention and love, but punishment to make them realize and distinguish between good and bad, the do's and the don'ts. I remember my last practicum in SK Bukit Jelutong, I received fewer presents than Amirul and both Baiti and Nabihah, does it make me infamous? No, cos we were still in contact and touch, so when I came for their Sports day they were there impatiently waiting to see me, and Amirul, Nabihah and Baiti got to see a few of their former pupils. So, the amount of gifts and presents do not guarantee a long relationship, as it has to be build by times. They might not giving my physical gifts, but their thoughts of me is what matters. So, I try to comfort myself this time by saying the same thing over and over again to myself, that though my kids of 4 Jujur did not present me with bunch of gifts (a few really make an effort by making their own card for me, and some drew me cartoons), but I hope my relationship with them will not stop today, in fact I will so much hope that it will grow better and stronger for forever.

I have more to say, but I think that is enough. 

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