Alone

I am writing this on a lonely hilltop in my hometown. It is the hour before sunset and the view is splendid and I feel truly on top of the world.

Vaguely I wonder why this moment seems so special. Then, the answer comes, with a slight sensation of shock, this is the first time in weeks that I have been alone. I am sure you know what I mean. We all need the warmth of human companionship. But we also, each one of us, need to get away from time to time and be entirely by ourselves. We do this in different ways, and with different degrees of consciousness.

We need these times alone to relax completely. The presence of another human being, however close and dear, however understanding and undemanding, inhibits this.

We cannot help reacting to that presence, and in that reaction, however pleasurable, there is tension.

Also, we need to be alone to come to some sort of understanding with ourselves. These are the times when we take a good hard look at ourselves and say "Hei, you, these are your strong points and these are your weak ones". You want such and such, and that is good so do such and such to get it. But you also want such and such, and that won't do at all, so cut it out, will you, and stop quoting that Freudian crap to me.

You cannot very well say all this to yourself when there is someone else around. Though the whole business is conducted silently, in "interior monologue" style, something may show on your face and alarm your companion thoroughly. To have a proper pow-wow with yourself, you must be free to frown and snort and growl and for this you need full privacy.