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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Menangis

Because crying is nature.
A release of emotions.

Sensitif. Hati ini sensitif. Bila mana nama ibu dan nama bapa disebut dan dipersoalkan.
Kerna mereka kita hidup dan masih hidup.

I shed my tears when my lecturer triggers me with those names, parents.

She came to me and wanted to ask me questions. She asked and I answered. Aku rasa semacam.
She asked "Why are you sending your assignment late? I have to give a passing mark or borderline to you. Do you want that?"

I answered "I bear the consequences". As easy as that.
She replied "Luckily you have enough mark to pass and take the risk. But why are you do that?"

Silence.
I have no answer to that question. Zero. Blank. Empty mind. Speechless.

"I know you've made your decision but why are making such decision? I have been waiting for your action whether or not you explain to me what is going wrong with you and so. Whether or not you ask for apology. I just want to see for how long you want to delay your assignment. That is why I never search or ask you. But when I wanted to call you, I can't never reach you. You change your number?"

Ini kali kedua lecturer aku tanya aku tukar number ke tidak selepas En Bahar. My Blackberry is too old already.

"You know, if you spare your time to explain and I could consider"...

Panjang juga dia bagi aku nasihat tadi. Such a wise words. I'd much appreciate it. A few of my friends passing by, I have no idea whether they've overheard our conversation.

Sampai satu tahap, if your parents know about this, how can we explain if you have not-so-good record?
Definitely, you won't disappoint them. Dia cakap lagi, I know you love your parents and I know you did since the foudation years I taught you.

When she mentioned "my parents" and "love", I shed tears. Paling muka.
I said to her "Excuse me to the toilet".

Along the way, my gut was to cover my feeling and fake a smile and to avoid the rain on my cheek to go heavily. It was hard.

In the toilet, I have a me-time and cry like nobody cares, nobody knows.

Crying is a nature. A release of emotions. 

If you feel the need of doing it, despite genders, just cry to the limits. Release. Let go all the unpleasant emotions. Surely after that, you will feel better.

I took quite sometimes to go back to the class. I went to the library and read newspaper.

Then, I came back to class and texted her, asking for apology and thanked her for wise words and concern.
I too, explained everything to her the real issue.

Ahhh---what a day. Now, I caught with cold after I cried. Sensitive.

I think, that's for now. Remember, cry if you feel the need to cry, despite any genders.

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